King of the Castle – December 2021

mourners gather in Joshuatown
the prodigal man empties his pockets
swimming in my own virility,
I was too confused to laugh
I needed someone’s permission
red face, blue face, green face
which face was I going to be today
morning harbingers at Death’s last border greet me
I wipe my teardrops off the tombstone
this obloquy of life serves me well
I find new ways to feel servile everyday
bound to this world of milk and honey
ordinary and sacred objects occupy my time

a psychic smell of garlic and fennel focuses me
I wish I was the king of a castle
my castle would be my land, body and mind
the drugs stop me from thinking like a king
but still everyone around me wears a crown
I see it in the way they walk
an impermanent and raw fixture of confidence
I wasn’t about to waltz at the pretzel stand
waiting for the bullets to fly
I know they are coming for me
I tried virtue signalling my way to the top
or was it the bottom?
this life we have wasn’t real
all people, places, things are imagined
I needed to master my brain’s starless creativity
to take control over it, to have a fighting chance
a small or tight grip on yourself gives you magical powers
like the ability to shop, dress and shave
this outside world is not as friendly as it used to be
and the only person here to protect me is my shadow