Song of the Sea – November 2021

afraid to walk my own land
I didn’t board the last train home
instead I confined myself to the sea
watching shipmates die

we had to lift their heavy bodies overboard
with only a small prayer
to guide them in the abyss

after 5 hours of sleep
I was ready for my shift
I took a shower to warm up
no luck
the hot water generator must be in disrepair again

I sit at my window
with a wet towel on my lower half
water drops leave my thick uncombed hair
onto my blue-veined arms
I can’t tell what’s worse
the cold
or the immeasurable sadness?

I start to fall back asleep
dreaming of the metaphysical
lost objects and dead relatives
the empty nature of the sea begets thoughts of displeasure and disappointment

as I haul the fish up,
my body detaches from me
a fishing robot had take over it
leaving me alone with my mind
focusing on the immense sense of rejection
abandoned by family
abandoned by friends

I inherited my reticence from the drugs
giving up insight for elegance
or the illusion of it
after a while, I lost that too

I now search for new experiences
legal and not
anything that can reverse what happened to me
all those years ago